My Chaotic Inner Thought.

The idea of thinking, is to find a solution.  However, the idea of being alone in other to think is what is essential. The games the mind can play on you could be so real, you might end up with the assumption that, you are alone. From the top of the fifth floor of Villaggio, I felt a warm breeze around me. Usually, I could have gone to Labadi beach, but this time, I wanted to see my fears in the eye of the city.

As some one who is afraid of height, I couldn’t believe I stood by the window to look down. The distance between where I was and the ground looks so closed , I could feel the stern look of passerbys who I presume were thinking if I am alright. The point is I’m not.  I lied severally that I was, but trust me, this twenty-four is so cruel to me than I expected.

Just a quick look at the past and I would say, I had it all.  But my mum was right, it never gets better. It gets tougher and only the courageous can make it to the top. I can still hear her laughter as she will usually say, baby, I know you never asked for this thing called adulting, the point is, we all never asked for it but it came anyway, and you have to accept it whether you like it or not.  I would sit in front of her, counting the number of words that comes out of her mouth and would wonder when the ranting will stop. She doesn’t get it, I would say in my head. The problem is not the adulting, the head ache is with the process.

Must i work a 7am to a  4pm job so I look responsible?. Must I go to school to the highest level if my career does not  necessarily needs it?, and oh, must she remind me of my age every five minutes?.

Now you all get my worry.  Growing up, my dream was to finish university, get a well-paying job that can pay for my vacations, get married to a cool dude who loves photography and we will end up with two kids; a girl first and a boy. My senior brother will always laugh when I start to tell people about it and often times, he will even end the sentence with ‘and they lived happily ever after’. I didn’t understand why he always laugh but I do now. That brother of mine should have told me I was in fantasy world but no, he left me there. Its funny though. How you plan your life to follow a path and before you could say jack, life has created a path that you hardly can utter. As i sit in my office to write this post, i can imagine the chaos in my head, a lot of deadlines to catch, conversations and chats to reply and dates to go on, i could never see my tasks finishing, but hey, it does never end, we just need to take it one step at a time.